Writer. Fighter. Lover. Dreamer. The doctor's say she's generally functional.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Day 18 - I will abduct you and force you into a cocktail position.

I just have to share some of the gems in our group report.

Two of my favourites:

1. The Buddhists are mainly Buddhist temples.
2. The drug abductors make their bodies into a cocktail position.

It's not even a case of editing/rewriting to make things clear. I actually have no idea what some of these things mean. I asked, is a drug abductor some sort of kidnapper who steals helpless little pills from their mums and dads, and pray tell, what is a cocktail position?

He (group leader) explained to me, the way you explain something simple to a child,
that a drug abductor is someone who smuggles drugs. A drug trafficker? I suggested. Yes, but abductor is a better word, he pompously replied.

He also explained that cocktail position is when you become intoxicated and lose control/bearings (he didn't use those words, but that's what he meant). Like a drunken stupor? No, no, he said, cocktail position. He assured me that a quick check in the dictionary would prove this. I didn't check but am willing to bet my life, and yours, and your dog's, that no dictionary says anything of the sort. I was uncharacteristically lost for words. Someone pass me a white flag, please.

Fortunately the part I'm working on, which is about conflicts and issues, faced no opposition and I get to look through the whole report when it's been compiled. I have a secret pact with one of the guys in my group to fix the report and he'll get everyone to agree to it. He's good at things like that.

It was he who suggested our group leader for the role, I discovered last night, as an experiment - he likened it to giving shoplifters the responsibility of security in a shop. Knowing that the rest would vote with him, I was not a factor in this experiment because he knew I couldn't be influenced and the majority would make up for my vote anyway. What a cunning plan. Unfortunately I have to deal with the repercussions of this experiment. Although it's no secret that I get a big kick out of fixings things like this.

We've moved to a hotel and I'm so not used to air-conditioning and hot showers. It is amusing when one instinctively reaches for the hose after using the toilet, only to discover there's only toilet paper.

My appreciation of hot showers made me miss the bus this morning. Everyone left without me, knowing I wasn't there! The way I see it, they know I can find my way around myself. I'm capable like that. Although I wish the guys would stop doubting my ability to lift my backpack. Of course I can; don't touch my house. I make it look ten times lighter than it really is when they say that. I don't mean to, but I do.

Last night our adventures continued - found a nice bar/cafe just across the road from our hotel. The guys were talking about their kids and showing pictures. I was warned, the year you were born, I graduated. You're too young. Indeed.

4 more sleeps.

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